Mourning:
For the loss of all close relation we must pass througth the so called mourning.
What does that mean in practice? One said that there are several stages; the shock, the refusal, tears, loneliness, culpability, bitterness etc. Each one of us live these stages but maybe not in the same order. We can't say either, that the mourning takes one year or two. Mourning lasts certainly all the life, just as the joy.
We cry our dear which is not right now with us, we miss him. It's completely natural, we doesn't need to hide it. We must talk about him. We must be able to think of him, he's present in our home and each day of our life. We felt that ourselves. Speaking about Timothée, remember him, it's, indeed, the best thing that others can offer us. When someone tells some anecdotes, or talks about him, it is for us like a gift of Heaven.
If we can cry him together, it is more likely what comforts us. Unfortunately we have to note that many doesn't want to talk about him. It's like people avoided the subject, refused to show their feeling, to tell their own sadness, being afraid of the feelings of the parents. Why? Death belongs to the life. The one who die doesn't cease to live.
For us, he's always present, in our memories and our thoughts. For us, he continues his life, but in another shape, in another place. We believe that he continues his life in the Heaven House. Over there, all his wishes are filled and over there, there are no diseases nor concern. All this comfort us and we believe that we receive the consolation as the Bible promises it; Eternal Life. We can cry, Jesus also cried. And when we cry in front of Him, He comforts us. To Jesus it's not a taboo of speaking about death, because He overcame death.
A very wise sister (Françoise) said to us: "Cry, because your tears can be a source of blessing for others."
The psalmist said: "Put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? " (PS 56:8).
We never ask God to remove the sorrow of our heart, nor the pain, now they are parts of us, but we ask Him to help us to live with and to change it into blessing.
It's better to take away immediately the culpability and the ammertume. They destroy our spirit and all our life. Whose fault is it? We can always say: "If we had done this or that." One could perhaps have done it, the doctors could, the prayers could, the faith could. But however, all was in the plan of God. We want to accept all things as coming from God's hand. Then we have the quiet spirit, we know that it was for our best. Then we are able to thank God and to be happy. That can seem a religious stereotype, but we assure you, that it's certainly true, it's that to live by the faith, the trust in His perfect power. We lived all this and we can say like Job: "Word of You had reached my ears, but now that my eyes have seen You." (Job 42,5)
From where the consolation?
In middle of all these tests, we feel ourselves however alone and lost, since by nature we depend the ones on the others.
For the people who lost a member of their family, the church organizes discussions groups. Unfortunately, in our area there are no such groups for the parents having lost their child. Isn't mourning similar for everyone? Not at all, the mourning has several faces. It is different to lose her old mother than her young child, I can testify it, because I lived both recently. It's with people who lived the same thing, that we can be in mourning. This is why there should be more therapeutic groups.
One offered to us, one year after the death of our child, a weekend, near Oulu, for the parents who had lost a child. This weekend was organized by SYLVA (association founded in 1982 by the parents of sick children of cancer) and the Cancerous Department of children of the University Hospital of Oulu. The weekend was free of charges for the parents. The place was pleasant, we were welcomed and we could talk about our children and our experiments with professionels and "specialists" (all those which lived same sorrow.)
Despite everything, the assistance of the close people is most important. Don't leave the parents even if they are put theimselfs in the background. In our culture, the people who are in mourning are often left alone: we live them in "peace", just when they more need attention and the presence of somebody.
The days following the death, one comes to testify his condolences, to bring flowers, charts or phones. Then the funerals day come, where one hug, comforts. It is very good. But afterward, the life continues again as usual and begin a deep silence and loneliness. The mail doesn't bring any more comforting messages, nobody doesn't come along. Some even keep out of the way of those which are in mourning, they don't know what to say. It's no need to talk, only to be present, share the sorrow. This expression used in Finland: "I share with" is so nice. It's not possible to divide the sorrow, nor take away a part, but we can have moments of sharing with another person. Doesn't The Bible say: "you with those Delight which are delighted, cry with those which cry." (Rom. 12.5)
The Funerals:
I often thought, that if one day my child would die, I couldn't, I wouldn't support to bury him. When this moment arrived it had to be endured.
Timothée died at home, we were beside him. Then arrived the nurse and my sister too, which helped us in the organization; the undertaking, the acquisition of coffin etc. We farewelled our dear child, put him in the coffin and closed it until the Resurrection Day. How can we bear such an affliction? It was humanly impossible, but when we sang, upright close to the coffin, Timothée's preferred songs, we received from Heaven such a peace, that the human spirit can't understand. When we sang: "God is here, God is here, God is here to bless us and to comfort us", a great peace felt in our heart.
My sister and our friends dealt with the practical burial and service businesses, but we chose ourselves the songs and the programme. The Funerals were celebrated at the church, where, had came to accompany him in his last voyage many families; from Finland, from France, from Martinique and friends of various nationalities, races, and religions. All continents were represented; Europe, America, Africa, Asia and Australia. They was friends of Timothée and he was loved of all. This is why it remained as will of Timothée this song which we sang: "Heavenly Father, protects and blesses Africa, countries of America, Europe, Australia, large Asia, blessed the whole world, blessed the whole world." Timothée always prayed for the children of the whole world and cried because of their sufferings.
The Funerals were for nothing a sad ceremony, but a moment of joy; we celebrated the end of the travel of the little pilgrim, his coming in the Golden City. When we descended the coffin in the grave, a gentle breeze blew over and a small bird began its song of praise to the Lord.
The grave:
Timothée was buried with his grandfather, who died 30 years ago after a long battle with leukemia too, and his grandmother in the same grave, in their arms while waiting for the call of the Lamb which will come to release also their body of the chains of death.
We go often on the grave to lay flowers, it's a place to remember and a mark of honor for those which preceded us and kept their faith. We go also there where we find the consolation and the peace of the soul; that can be very therapeutic, it's no need to minimize its importance.
Memories:
Get rid of the beloved's things is very personal. We shouldn't push, nor give councils in this field. We couldn't yet be able to give away Timothée's belongings. After his burial, we bought some games and videos-cassettes to the children Cancerous Department. That would be certainly Timothée's will. To his friends, we gave some toys and clothings in memory. Otherwise, his room is still the same and it became a place, where it's pleasant to arrange and do our home works. Children can come there to play and remember their little buddy.
Life in front of us:
We must now, continue to live as normally as possible. We go at work, to church and meet our friends. The saying known as: "the life continues", it's can't be say better. We keep our place in the society; our home is pleasant, the garden flowred. We follow the events in the world and have some hobbies. We live as live all ordinary people. However we miss something. We often compared that with an amputation; it's like a part of our heart had been cutted. We didn't delight and didn't entirely take pleasure, all is veiled by a feeling of sadness. We must be accustomed and accept it as part of our life.
There is a reason, just as the entire life brings to us. We always wonder: "What was the reason for which our child suffered so much?" It is incomprehensible, but there is a reason and one day it will be revealed to us. Now, Timothée certainly knows it. God has attracted towards him people through this test. Maybe the prayers bore fruits and that one day we'll see them.
What makes us go ahead, is to believe that soon we'll meet our little darling again. As Abraham believed that his son will be returned to him, in the same way we gave our child to God knowing that at the Resurrection, we'll find him forever forth.
God wants that we help to carry the load of the others. Our task is to help and comfort those which are in difficulty. We feel privileged, because it was allowed to us to live such an experiment of grace and love. It's in His love that God acted like this. It's in His love that God took our child to keep him in a safety place.
We never felt before and so strongly the presence of God. God is with us daily, He's in all, everywhere where we are, in all our doing. How can we, then, refused to share this free gift with others.
We don't want to change a single day from our lived, this richness, this love. Timothée itself said one day: "I am grateful of this disease, without that, I would never been so close to God."
Thanks to this privilege, we are ready to help those which are suffering. If your child is sick, or died or if you are in a difficult situation of the life, if you need comfort or prayer, if you need to empty your heart, or need consolation, we are here. And above all, God is there, He hears and He helps.
"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2 Cor 1:2,3)
At the time of writing this text, our love of child has been in Heaven for two years. It's difficult to remember and describe the various phases by which we passed. To describe the suffering, the anguish, the fear, these hopes and despairs. The most difficult is to describe this suffering that our child supported during these nine months before receiving peace and perfect rest in the arms of his Father of mercies.
It's painful also to describe the moment of his leave and the sadness of this separation. Why then, do we write about it? Why don't we leave the time to do its work and to cure the wounds? On the contrary, we'll re-open them, by reminding these moments of sufferings.
it's because we owe Timothée that. We want to tell the fight and the patience of a little boy in front of an atrocious disease. And before all, his trusting and his faith in God. The love that he had testified all his life for Jesus and which leads him from death to the Eternal Life. By this testimony, we want to tell all, that there is not oppression nor suffering of any kind, that God can't comfort. Through all these afflictions God glorifies himself.
Guestbook...
Just ten years ago we were in hospital and you my child you were so ill, you had so much pain and suffered but I got you in my arms after so long time. It was my christmas gift, you gave me a little kiss and said " je t'aime maman". I am vaiting the moment that I can get you again in my arms and hear these words in Heaven's Kingdom. Je t'aime Timothée Maman
Hei! Kävin lukemassa sivujanne. Oma poikani Joonatan kuoli 3-vuotiaana aivokasvaimeen reilu puoli vuotta sitten. Olimme hoidoilla myös kysillä. Siunausta elämäänne! Kerran olemme taas kaikki yhdessä Taivaan kodissa. Sinne asti täytyy jaksaa tämän maailman taistot. Mutta rakkaat poikamme ovat jo parhaassa turvassa.
Olen harrastajanäyttelijä Mikkelistä ja olen ammatiltani nykyjään linja-auton kuljettaja. Noin vuoden ajan on elämääni ja ajatuksiini melkein joka päivä liittynyt Ranskalaisen kirjailijan Eric-Emmanuel Schmittin näytelmä Oskar ja Mamma Roosa. Tarina pienestä pojasta Oskarista ja hänen ystävästään,satavuotiaasta leikkitädistä, Mamma Roosasta. Kaunis ja koskettava tarina leukemiaan sairastuneesta pojasta ja hänen viimeisistä elinpäivistään sairaalassa, jossa hän Mamma Roosan avulla löytää Jumalan ja saa siitä voimia ja ymmärrystä jaksaa elämänsä loppuun. "aika pieni ja heiveröinen kukkahan se oli, mutta urheasti se hoiti kasvin hommansa alusta loppuun,eikä jättänyt kesken". (sanoi: Oskar) Näytelmää tehdessäni huomasin useasti ajattelevani Oskarin rohkeaa ja toisia ihmisiä huomioonottavaa asennetta, sekä kykyä nähdä elämän kauneus ja viehättävyys pienissäkin asioissa. Timotheen tarinaa lukiessani tuli tunne kuin olisin lukenut tuttua tarinaa ja tajusin,että pojat ovat kuin "kaksi marjaa" ja olenkin varma että he olisivat olleet tulleet mainiosti toimeen keskenään.Kaksi älykästä, herkkää ja taiteellista kaveria. Timotheen vanhemmat kävivät katsomassa näytelmän Mikkelin teatterin pienellä näyttämöllä. Kunnioitan suuresti heidän rohkeuttaan uskaltaa katsoa asioita uudelleen "suoraan silmiin". Toivonkin että he saivat lisää lohtua siitä hetkestä ja muistaisivat kaikkia niitä ihania ja hyviä hetkiä, joita he saivat Timotheen kanssa viettää. Toivotan koko perheelle kaikkea hyvää ja siunausta. Jouni
I think so often about my Anna and when I do I think about all the other grieving parents I know and lift us all in prayer. We so need our Lord's comfort, peace and encouragement. I pray you are held closely in His arms as Timothée's Homegoing anniversary approaches. "I send my weary heart to all; Who shed those tears of pain; With caring tears from my own eyes; my message to you will be; my friend, I pray for thee." (from the poem "I Pray for Thee" , in the collection of prose and poems "If I Could. . .", all by Paul McCutcheon, oldguy05@hughes.net
Hyvät Timotheen vanhemmat Olette käyneet mielestäni elämän vaikeimman asian läpi -ja kestäneet -ja vahvistuneet. Varmaan Herralla on teille tehtävä jonka vain te voitte tehdä. Olkaa siunattuja, rukoilen puolestanne.
Hei! Luin Timotheeststa kirjoittamasi tarinan. Liikutuin, kuinka hän ei luovuttanut elämänhaluaan vakavassa ja vaikeassa sairauksessa. Toivoa ei saa menettää! paljon voimia jokaiseen päivään!
". . .weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) And what a glorious morning that will be! As Timothée's Homegoing anniversary approaches, we pray that our Lord hold you very close and that you may know His comforting presence in a special way.
Löysin nämä sivut sattumalta, monen vuoden jälkeen.Palasin ajassa taaksepäin ja lämpimät muistot täyttävät mieleni.Jaksamista elämässä eteenpäin.Miten voitte ja missä olette? KAIKKEA HYVÄÄ.
I know your pain and sorrow, especially now as Timothée's birthday approaches. I praise our Lord and am so very, very grateful that He blessed these wonderful children with so much kindness and grace! "The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come." (Isaiah 57:1) May the Blessed Hope continue to blaze in your hearts!
je voulais lui dire bonne chance a timothée
Otan osaa suruunne ja toivon teille jaksamista sekä värikästä syksyä ainakin puiden merkeissä. Sain viestinne meidän osaston muistojen runoillan merkeissä. Itse toimin Mikkelin syöpäosaston pj:nä. Kitos että saamme käyttää runoasi! Pirkko
Our Anna was also 12 year old with the heart of a small child and the wisdom of an elder when our Lord took her Home. I hold you tightly and fervently in my prayers as Timothèe's birthday approaches. May our hearts be lifted to Heaven. May our spiritual eyes be opened to our Lord's Light and might we see beyond the now to the glorious promise of forever in the presence of our gracious Lord and our beloved children.
Koskettavat sivut, joita ventovieraskin luki tunteella. Lähimmäisen sairautta, taistelua ja lopulta kuolemaa läheltä seuranneena tiedän, että olette keränneet sivuille myös paljon hyödyllistä tietoa ja ajatuksia, jotka auttavat niitä, jotka vastaavassa tilanteessa tarvitsevat apua ja tukea. Kiitos.
Hei! Osuin näille sivuille sattumalta etsiessäni tietoa lasten leukemioista. Hyvin koskettavat. Rohkaisuksi haluaisin antaa vinkin eräästä linkistä, joka mielestäni kaikkien syöpäpotilaiden pitäisi nähdä... Osoite on www.thesurvivormovie.com
Hei aikaa on kulunut siitä kun tavattiin siellä lapsensa menettäneiden tapaamisessa Utajärvellä 2002. Olisi mukava kuulla teistä. Terveisin Seppo, Sirkka ja pojat.
What a loving tribute to your precious son. I'm sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing for a Mummy to have to endure. Thank You Yeshua for being with Esther through this terrible thing. And Father, You too had to endure the death of Your Son. And I thank You that we don't walk this alone. I thank You that You are there with us and that because Your Son rose from the dead that gives us the strength to keep on knowing that our little ones too shall be seated with You. They just went before we wanted them to. In the Name above all other names Yeshua HaMessiach.
Tosi koskettavat sivut joita tässä luin ja minusta oli todella mukavaa, että minun runoni löytyi sieltä, jonka olin lapsellenne tehnyt ajatuksin siivin. Toivotan teille Jumalan siunausta ja kaikkea hyvää eteenpäin.Palaan näille sivuille myöhemmin taasen runo muodossa. Sari opettaja
dear esther and samuel,I read your the entire web page and wept through the whole thing.Now that i am a mother I imagined that it was my child going through what timothee had endjured and i can see the pain and despair that was before you.My heart goes to you both and it took courage to write your emotions for all to read but I now know more about timothee than i did when he was alive.I say a prayer for you both and I shall visit timothee soon and tell him what adouring parents he has and how much he is loved and missed. with all my love Melissa
Paljon lämpimiä terveisiä täältä Kysistä 2403:lta Pirjolle ja Samuelille! Minulla oli onni tutustua Tituun ja Teihin...se jätti lähtemättömän vaikutuksen. Kaikkea hyvää sinne Teille ja halauksia! Voimia ja jaksamista! Hyvää uutta vuotta 2005!
Hello from America- I saw your wed site address on the site of Addison Toivola, who passed away on Sept. 9, 2003. Our own son, Mitchell, was a buddy to AJ's (Addison) at the Hospital. As I read your story I cried in reflection of you and your sons journey of cnacer and reliance on faith. In Christ, the day will come that we will all be gathered together in heaven - with our precious boy's. Our "Mitchie Boy" also battled with cancer for 10 months. He went to be with Jesus at the age of nine and one-half on April 11, 2003. He had a form of Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) NEVER before seen! In the spirit of Mitch we have formed a non-profit foundation called the "Miracles of Mitch Foundation". It provides Quality of Life Support to families of critically terminal ill children. I have also written a book, "Good-bye, Mitch". It is a brief reflection of his life, my frist years journey of grieving, and how the life of Mitch will continue with many miracles to come. I share this with you in the rememberance of our boys who are together in Heaven! God gave them a purpose - to show others in the world the Love of Jesus! Thank you for your web site in Timothee's memory. I will be praying for your continued strength and faith. I have listed our web addresses and invite you to come and visit them....www.miraclesofmitchfoundation.org and for the book goodbyemitch.com God Bless, Becky Chepokas - Mitchell's Mom
Got your site from Michelle site. You have done a beautiful site for your son, Timothee! Bless and thankyou for sharing this around the world. Will be in our prayer!
Heard about yr dear son from Marcus web page and pray that your family gets the healing and peace u need, your son is an angel/ God Bless
Thank you for the kind encouragement! We, too will pray for your family.
Hei! Timothéen tarina on niin koskettava, että toivoisin mahdollisimman monen voivan lukea sen. Voisitteko ajatella laittavanne sen esimerkiksi cancerkidstories.org -sivuille (ellei se vielä ole siellä)? Kyseisellä sivustolla on monien muidenkin syöpään sairastuneiden lasten tarinoita. Osoite on http://www.cancerkids.org/children/stories/submit_story.cfm Voimia teille kaikille!
Pirjo ja Samuel - kaunis kiitos Teillä näistä sivuista. Lukemattomia kertoja olen selannut niitä ja löydän aina jotain uutta ja jotain lohduttavaa - samankaltaisia kokemuksia mitä koin Eveliinan kanssa ja vierellä. Näen sieluni silmillä lapsemme kulkemassa rinnakkain, ei kuitenkaan yksin vaan monien saman kokeneiden seurassa. Näinhän Sinä Pirjo tämän minulle lohduttavasti kerroit joskus puhelimessa. Vaikka lapsillamme onkin kaikki hyvin, niin valtava ikävä kouraisee päivittäin sisuksia eikä siitä selviä ilman itkua ja sisäistä tuskaa. Iloitsen siitä, että Teillä on niin vahva usko Luojaan ja että olette saanut avun ymmärtää ja kestää lapsenne fyysisen siirtymisen kauemmaksi. Niin Teillä kuin meilläkin henkinen välimatka ei ole pidentynyt vaan arvioni mukaan se on lyhentynyt ja tullut vankaksi väyläksi muistella lastaan. - Kaksi vuotta kävin Eveliinan haudalla päivittäin, mutta nyt joka toinen päivä ja aina kynttilää sytyttäessäni muistelen Eveliinaa, Titua ja Larissaa (en jaksa muistaa ennätittekö tutustua häneen KYS:ssa). - Lastemme valoisat muistot auttakoon osaltaan meitä kaikkia jaksamaan ja näkemään elämän arvokkuuden ja haurauden. - Lämmöllä Teillä ajatellen, kristiina
Seuraavat päivämäärät sururyhmälle: 22.4. klo 18.00 Lehmuskylän seurakuntakoti ja 3.6. klo 18.00 Anttola rantasauna (sauna- ja uintimahdollisuus) Lämpimin ajatuksin Sinikka ja Harri
Olemme lukeneet ja itkeneet.
Taivaallisen Isämme tiet ovat tutkimattomat, emmekä täällä ajassa vielä näe, miksi joudumme niin paljon surua kärsimään. Poikanne on Jeesuksen luona, ja hän varmasti toi kaikille valoa elämään, jotka häneen saivat tutustua. Kiitokset siitä, että jaoitte tarinanne, se varmasti puhuttelee ja lohduttaa monia, jotka kaikkinaisessa ahdistuksessa ovat, myös lapsensa sairauden vuoksi. Kaikkea hyvää elämäänne, Taivaan Isä teitä runsaasti siunatkoon.
Luin juuri teidän kertomuksenne. Pienestä reippaasta pojasta, osaisimpa itse olla yhtä rohkea ja reipas. Olen varma, että Taivaanisällä on teidän pojallenne erityis tehtävä enkelinä johon hänet on kutsuttu. Omakin lapseni on varmasti saanut tehtävän enkelinä ja tulemme viellä joskus näkemään omat rakkaat lapsemme. Olette tehneet ison työn tämän lapsenne sairauden tiimoilta ja näin varmasti autatte monia perheitä, joissa taistellaan lapsen sairauden kanssa ja ihmetellään, miten tästä eteenpäin ja mikä tarkoitus kaikella on. Oman lapsen kuolema on aina raskas kokemus olette kauniisti kirjoittaneet tästäkin vaikeasta asiata.Toivon,että kertomuksenne julkaistaisiin laajemminkin. Siunausta elämäänne toivottaen Sinikka
excusez moi mais je suis un peu nerveuse, je continue. Je suppose que Thimothée aussi vous a manque pour ce jour qui devrait être joyeux. Je suis de tout coeur avec vous et me rend compte de votre courage à surmonter la douleur et continuer a vivre après cette douleur que personne ne peut combler. Je vous admire car moi, je ne suis pas bien et je pense qu'il me faudra du temps pour me remettre de cette expérience assez douloureuse Amicalement solange de bruxelles
Pirjo et Samuel je vous remercie beaucoup d'avoir visité mon site sur Francis, et surtout l'attention d'avoir mis une bougie en Finlande pour sa mémoire. J'ai passé une mauvaise fête de Noël mais je pense que c'est tout a fait normal, puisque c'est le premier sans lui. Il m'a beaucoup manque comme je suppose que T
hier soir, je suis allée visiter le site de laurette fugain car j'y ai laissé plusieurs messages aussi. J'ai vu votre mot qui m'a touché. La première chose que j'ai faite ce matin, c'est aller visiter votre site que j'ai trouvé très émouvant. Mon compagnon est parti retrouvé votre petit ange le 7.11.2003 après 10ans de lutte contre cette maladie. Je n'arrive pas encore à l'accepter, je tourne en rond dans la maison et la nuit, il m'arrive de le sentir près de moi. Moi aussi, je lui ai dédié un site mais n'étant pas une pro, j'ai fait de mon mieux. http://looping08.skyblog.com Je suis de tout coeur avec vous et vous souhaite malgré l'absence de Timothée et de mon compagnon Francis une joyeuse fête de Noël. Ils seront dans notre coeur amicalement et à bientôt peut être sur mon site
Cette soufrance me revolte et me rappelle mon neuveu qui a aussi perdu son oeil suite au cancer. raison de plus pour ses camarades qui ont peur de lui en classe. Ce soir mes prieres vont envers toi petit ange venu du nord.
Pirjo ja Samuel Jaatte niin paljon meille sivussakulkijoille. Timothéen elämä, sairastaminen, kuolema ja luja usko iankaikkisuuteen, sekä teidän vanhempien rakkaus kaiken sen keskellä pysäyttää miettimään ja riisuu minut sanattomaksi. Kiitos rohkeudestanne työstää Timothéen tarina luettavaksi ja nähtäväksi. Ystävyydellä Minna